A woman and a man are involved in a car accident

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident

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It’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, ‘Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.’

The man replies, ‘I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!’

The woman continues, ‘And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.’

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and extends it back to the woman. Politely, the woman refuses to accept the bottle.

The man asks, ‘Aren’t you having any?’

The woman replies, ‘No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…’

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Blind Teen, Oh, say, can she sing!

Blind Teen with cerebral palsy Marlana VanHoose sings National Anthem during Game 6 of the NBA Finals Warriors vs Cavaliers

TOTALLY BLOWS EVERYONE AWAY!!

A blind teen, Marlana VanHoose, sang the national anthem before Game 6 of the NBA Finals on Tuesday, June 16, and it was incredible — watch the heartwarming moment here.

Oh, say, can she sing! A blind teenage girl, Marlana VanHoose, sang the national anthem before Game 6 of the NBA Finals on Tuesday, June 16, inspiring the Cleveland Cavaliers, the Golden State Warriors, and the millions of people watching the live broadcast from around the world.

VanHoose, 19, a Kentucky native who suffers from cerebral palsy, was born with Cytomegalovirus. Several weeks after her birth, doctors confirmed that she was also blind. While VanHoose was not expected to survive past the age of 12 months, her story has defied the boundaries projected by medical experts.

On Wednesday, before a roaring crowd at Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, which included NBA superstars like Steph Curry and LeBron James, VanHoose took to center court in a Cavs jersey, jeans, and shades as she gripped her microphone.

With her booming big voice and innate talent, the teen hit the notes and had the crowd roaring in the final five seconds of the “Star-Spangled Banner.”

Though the Cavs ultimately lost, the moment was one of the most memorable of the evening.

Credit: Andrew D. Bernstein/NBAE via Getty Images
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Video:  youtube.com

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DIY Mosquito Trap

 Unbelievably Easy Mosquito Trap You Can Make With Items You Already Own.

Don’t Be Bothered By Mosquitoes This Year!

 

This is a simple trick to keep the mosquitoes away! Finally, the perfect easy mosquito trap!

Instead of using chemical bug spray, a simple, makeshift bug catcher that’s also inexpensive will let you say “bye bye” to those pesky bugs. ..  3 simple ingredients and you should be able to sit on your front porch and relax this summer without these pests!!

source:  www.youtube.com

 

 

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Five Embarrassing Stories HILARIOUS

Meet The Parents

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Ok,  it was a casual Friday night and my new boyfriend called me up and asked if we wanted to hang out..    I was bored out my mind,so I jumped at the offer!

As I arrived at his house, I was hoping we would be alone. I couldn’t hear any trace of noise, so I guessed we were. He invited me in, gave me a kiss and then a sexy look which made me turned on and thinking that he was heading to something…He grabbed my hand and brought me downstairs covering my eyes and saying “I have a surprise for you, why don’t you make yourself comfortable”.

So I of course had a feeling what he meant. He then left the room to give me time and said he would be only five minutes.  I began to take off my clothes knowing that I thought he wanted me to strip naked for him.  Five minutes he called me to come out into the room next door to his room.   I walked out all proud of my self and walked into the living room butt naked and saw three shocked faces looking upon my body.            He didn’t tell me the surprise was he wanted me to meet his parents!

What a horrible experience! From that day forward I kept my clothes on at all times unless I was ABSOLUTELY SURE we were alone!

 

Watch out for the snake!

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It was about 5 years ago and it was my first day on the job as a veterinary assistant. I was to meet my new boss and his wife at their farm.

As I made a right turn into their farmyard, I felt a garter snake wrap itself around my ankle. I am terrified of snakes so I immediately started to panic. I was thrashing my arms and legs trying to get the snake off my leg and in the process, I drove RIGHT THROUGH the side of their house!

People started to scream, including me and I sat there stunned. My boss made his way to the side of my car (no one got hurt) and I frantically was trying to explain how a snake around my ankle had caused all of this, only to look down and realize that it was my purse strap.

Needless to say, it was also my last day on the job.

 

Not my day

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I had a job interview with a firm that I wanted very much.

The interview consisted of me two women and one other man. I sat in one chair with the three of them across from me. All through the interview the ladies were smiling and laughing and the man would not even look at me. This was not professional behavior at all and by the end of the interview my nerves were so strained that I finally broke down and ask what was so funny.

One of the ladies replied that it took a real man to wear silk with pink panthers on them. As this remark I look down and for the first time I noticed that my zipper was wide open and I was wearing my lucky boxers which were black silk the pink panthers on them. Add to my humiltiation the other woman quickly replied “and whats poking out of them is not bad either!”.

It just wasn’t my day.

 

Just One of Those Days

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You know that Limp Bizkit song “Break Stuff” that says “It’s just one of those days where you don’t wanna wake up…it’s just one of those days?” This is my day.

There are a lot of kids in my neighborhood, and all of them go to the same school district(middle school, high school, etc.) So we set up a lot of after-school games and stuff like that. One day, we decide to have a neighborhood game of “manhunt” (a glorified version of hide-and-seek tag) We set it for 4:00, and luckily I have almost no homework, so I get it done quick and go to get changed because I had spilled soda on myself by accident when I had gotten home.

Problem. Our washing machine had broken. So we did wash only a few times a week at the laundromat. My mom was out with the latest load, but unfortunately, all my boxers were in it. So, I was stuck with one of my old pairs of tighty-whities. I got adjusted to them fairly easy, though.

So, we get sorted into two teams of six. I was with my two friends, Jim and Rocko, and three girls from my school whom I didn’t “hate” but didn’t “like” either. Our team hid, but after someone found me I ran like heck. Unfortunately, I tripped running across a wet grassy area. I guess when I skidded across the grass, my shorts slid a bit down and I think my underwear was showing, becuase two of the girls on my team just stood for a second. I quick got up and ran for a new spot, though, and took a rest in the middle of the woods.

Unfortunately, I was breathing so heavy I didn’t hear the three girls sneak up on me. Intially, I thought it was someone on the other team and I jumped a bit, but it was those girls. They stuffed their hands down my shorts and yanked my underwear as high as they could. I yelped a bit, then started squirming to get away from them, but they dragged me over to one of the trees and pinned my neck down. One of them held it down, another continued giving me an atomic wedgie, and the third one ran off to get the others.

Once the others were there, they all began laughing and took turns pulling my underwear up. After a few minutes of this, they got bored, so one of them had a “great” idea, and pulled down my shorts. Everyone laughed so freakin’ hard and laughed stuff like “Heya, pimple-ass” (I had serious butt-acne back then) and “Mike IS a girl, he’s wearing a thong!” Finally, it was getting a bit dark, and they all hoisted me up to a tree branch. I don’t know how they pulled it off, but then they tied my underwear to the inside of a tree branch and tore off my shirt. They all ran home.

After a while, my underwear tore more and more and I finally fell off. After seriously hurting my ass, I realized half my underwear was still on the tree. The other half fell right off when I stood up. Freaked out, I ran home, trying to sneak back to my house without being caught. Sadly, there aren’t too many back routes to my house, and some of the neighbors still saw me. Of course, they weren’t too happy to see a pubescent teenage boy running stark naked through their yard and they began yelling at me. I didn’t listen, but they ended up calling my folks anyway.

When I got home, I got razzed by my parents, and when I told them my story, they just blew it off. Plus, they called the parents of the kids I told them about and the story obviously didn’t check out. So I got busted for two weeks-one for running around naked, the other for lying.

It’s just one of those days

 

 

 

Getting Attention

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Yesterday i was in town, trying out some outfits. A few minutes later, I noticed a few fit lads enter the shop..I thought I’d try on this really sexy outfit, do a little walk, and hopefully catch their eye..

When i’d finished doin’ my walk (the lads did notice me!), i decided 2 buy the outfit as i looked pretty good in it. I was changing back in 2 my own clothes when i couldn’t find my bra..I thought maybe I hadnt worn it (i dont always wear a bra, so it was possible).

After I had changed I went 2 pay 4 the clothes – I was feelin really happy, as the fit lads were lookin my way. I walked out of the shop giving my long hair a little toss as i went passed them. When i got towards the front of the shop, I passed a few mirrors, and suddenly 2 my horror i noticed my bra hangin on my back!

The guyz were lookin at me all along, but only because I had my bra hooked 2 the back of my blouse! (still tryin 2 get over it!)

 

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Best Ever 57th Wedding Anniversary Surprise

Best Ever 57th Wedding Anniversary Surprise

He Put On A Tuxedo, Bought Some Flowers And Surprised His Wife In The Hospital
“Oh, And Melted Our Hearts.”

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So whats the story..

Some couples say that after being together for a long time, the spark dies out. All their romantic gestures are left behind and become tedious, boring circles of events. Some even fall out of love.

Then there are couples like James and Elinor Russell.

The pair have known each other almost their entire lives. Raised in neighboring towns in Georgia, they saw each other grow up.

“I’ve known her since she was in pigtails,” James Russell told ABC News.

May 20, 2015 was the couple’s 57th wedding anniversary, but, for what was apparently the first time in the past 57 years, the couple wasn’t together. Elinor was in the hospital, and Jim was home with his family. That, however, didn’t stop this dapper elderly man from pulling off the sweetest surprise for his beloved bride.

“Unannounced, James showed up to Elinor’s hospital room, wearing a tuxedo and carrying a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates.”

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“The heartwarming surprise was captured by the Russells’ granddaughter, Reid, who then posted it on Twitter.”

“We genuinely think there are only two words to describe this: RELATIONSHIP. GOALS.”

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Scorpions Wind Of Change

Scorpions – Wind Of Change

Wind of Change” is a power ballad written by Klaus Meine, the lead singer of the German rock band Scorpions

It holds the record for the best-selling single by a German artist.

 

It appeared on their 1990 album Crazy World, but did not become a worldwide hit single until 1991—just after the failed coup that led to the collapse of the Soviet Communist regime—when it topped the charts in Germany and across Europe and hit No. 4 in the United States and No. 2 in the United Kingdom. It later appeared on the band’s 1995 live album Live Bites, their 2000 album with the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra, Moment of Glory, and on their 2001 unplugged album Acoustica. Worldwide, the single has sold millions of copies, making it one of the best selling singles of all time; a common number given is 14 million copies sold.
source:  youtube.com and wikepedia.org

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Bon Jovi Bed Of Roses

Bon Jovi – Bed Of Roses

Bed of Roses” is a rock song released by Bon Jovi in late January 1993, from the album Keep the Faith. Jon Bon Jovi wrote the song in a hotel room while suffering from a hangover and the lyrics reflects his feelings at the time.

The video for “Bed of Roses” begins with shots of Richie Sambora playing guitar high in the mountain tops, and then cuts to scenes of Jon alone in his hotel room, the band recording the song in the studio, and finally performing live on stage. Initially the video directors wanted Jon Bon Jovi to be on the mountain tops, but Jon said: “I was on top of a mountain in ‘Blaze of Glory’, send them” (Richie Sambora and David Bryan, who is seen playing the piano at the mountain top).
source:  youtube.com and wikipedia.org

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I Am Your Dog Poem

I Am Your Dog

I am your dog, and I have a little something I’d like to whisper in your ear; I know that you humans lead busy lives. Some have to work, some have children to raise. It always seems like you are running here and there, often much too fast, often never noticing the truly grand things in life.

Look down at me now, while you sit there at your computer. See the way my dark brown eyes look at yours? They are slightly cloudy now. That comes with age. The grey hairs are beginning to ring my soft muzzle. You smile at me; I see love in your eyes. What do you see in mine? Do you see a spirit? A soul inside, who loves you as no other could in the world? A spirit that would forgive all trespasses of prior wrong doing for just a simple moment of your time?

That is all I ask; To slow down, if even for a few minutes to be with me. So many times you have been saddened by the words you read on that screen, of others of my kind, passing.Sometimes we die young and oh so quickly, sometimes so suddenly it wrenches your heart out of your throat. Sometimes, we age so slowly before your eyes that you may not even seem to know until the very end, when we look at you with grizzled muzzles and cataract clouded eyes. Still the love is always there, even when we must take that long sleep, to run free in a distant land.

I may not be here tomorrow; I may not be here next week. Someday you will shed the water from your eyes, that humans have when deep grief fills their souls, and you will be angry at yourself that you did not have just “One more day” with me.

Because I love you so, your sorrow touches my spirit and grieves me. We have NOW, together. So come, sit down here next to me on the floor, and look deep into my eyes. What do you see? If you look hard and deep enough we will talk, you and I, heart to heart. Come to me not as “alpha” or as “trainer” or even “Mom or Dad,” come to me as a living soul and stroke my fur and let us look deep into one another’s eyes, and talk. I may tell you something about the fun of chasing a tennis ball, or I may tell you something profound about myself, or even life in general. You decided to have me in your life because you wanted a soul to share such things with. Someone very different from you, and here I am.

I am a dog, but I am alive. I feel emotion, I feel physical senses, and I can revel in the differences of our spirits and souls. I do not think of you as a “Dog on two feet” — I know what you are. You are human, in all your quirkiness, and I love you still.

Now, come sit with me, on the floor. Enter my world, and let time slow down if only for 15 minutes. Look deep into my eyes, and whisper to my ears.

Speak with your heart, with your joy and I will know your true self. We may not have tomorrow, and life is oh so very short.

So please… come sit with me now and let us share the precious moments we have together.

Love,
Your Dog

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ONE HELL OF A HEADACHE

Help Me Doctor I Have a ONE HELL of a Headache

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The Doctor said: “The good news is I can cure your headaches…

The bad news is that it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.” Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn’t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street he realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need, a new suit.”

The elderly salesman eyed him quickly and said, “Let’s see, you’re a size 44 long.” Joe laughed and said, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years!” Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, “How about a new shirt?” Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.” “Let’s see, 16 and a half neck, 34 sleeve.” Joe was surprised. “How did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years.” The shirt fit perfectly. As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the salesman said, “You could use new shoes.” Since Joe was on a roll, he said, “Sure.” The man eyed Joe’s feet and said, “9-1/2E.” Joe was astonished. “That’s right. How did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years.” Joe tried on the shoes and they also fit perfectly.

As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, “How about new underwear?” Joe thought for a second and said, “Why not.” The man stepped back, eyed Joe’s waist and said, “Let’s see, size 36.” Joe laughed. “Finally I’ve got you! I’ve worn size 32 since I was 18 years old.”

The tailor shook his head. “You can’t wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

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Why Women Over 30 are AWESOME

Why Women Over 30 are AWESOME

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A woman over 30 will not lay next to you in bed and ask, “What are you thinking?”

She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a darn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women.

Women over 30 couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

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